Tag Archives: #allforlove

I Don’t Know

I sat in the rising sun this morning, (a bit later than this, 😉 feeling it’s warmth my skin. The energy of an homemade orange/ginger/celery juice was lighting me up on the inside. And for the first few moments, my mind was content to just enjoy that.
To just be there. The morning breeze rustling the leaves. The wild rabbits hopping about, nibbling on weeds.  The ants beneath the chair moving intently on their silent missions. My deepening presence bringing It’s usual peace and quiet trust to my breath.
I noticed it didn’t take long for my mind to then reach for conclusions from yesterday. For the latest version of “I understand what’s going on”. I was reminded again of how desperate my mind is for that. That feeling of having things figured out.
A deep breath followed. I smiled inwardly at my mind.
No, friend, you don’t. You don’t know what is next. For Todd, for this country, for humankind. Let it go. Come, just breathe with me. The grace, the wonder of this moment is sweeter without the temporary comfort you seek. Can you feel this? This trust, this openness to the mystery of Life?
And the I that is my mind was reminded. I don’t know. And it is indeed sweeter that way. Held in the arms of something far more vast, filled with far more peace and potential than I can conjure up.
After awhile, the Arizona sun grew hot, and I came inside. I had second breakfast with old friend Alan Watts. My heart loves some Alan Watts. He puts my beliefs in the back seat. He is a voice of the unknown, of surrender. He is Zen- without the traditions.
I listened to the video below. And the end of it describes exactly where I was outside on the chair. Funny how that happens.
I went inside to go to the bathroom. My mind leaped at the opportunity. Something familiar! By the time I left headed back outside I was deep in a reminiscense of days gone by. Of a time of with more foundation. A more defined role. A lot more doing. And those accomplishments, that version of myself- oh how my mind loves to return there.
A warm pride and nostalgia fills me. I see it, I feel it. I enjoy the moment. There is nothing wrong with who we were, just as there isn’t with who we find ourselves to be Now.
I am grateful to know, however, that I can’t stay there. I can’t let the past keep me out of the present. I can’t trade the illusion of safety that memory offers for the magic of the unknown in my Now.
And so I go further into the moment.
To where, I just don’t know.

Desire. Obligation. Big Difference.

This video talks about noticing fear. As I’ve shared many times on this blog, the surest way to continue to suffer is to judge that which is causing it.

This isn’t a condemnation of fear. The fear of being afraid is also a fear. I still have fears, and in accepting their presence I am free to work with them, and get beyond them.

Forgiveness: Doorway to Love

colleen lookout

We don’t find enough love to forgive. It’s the other way around.

Love is an energy of a much higher vibration than is judgement. Or anger, resentment or fear.  “Love is patient, kind, and keeps no record of wrongs“, not by choice, but by nature. Hatred and love cannot occupy the same space at the same time any more than can darkness and light. 

To embody love, for oneself and others, we must forgive. We must let go of all judgement.

I started writing a post a few days ago about self acceptance on a global scale. I wanted to offer the idea of a day, like Valentines Day, where instead of romantic love we celebrated self love.  A day when as many hearts as possible made the decision to let go of the need to change any and all aspects of who they are in the moment.

The need to change; which is different from the desire to. Need is always born of fear. In this case a fear of not being enough. Change happens gracefully without it.

I want all people to feel the peace of life without self judgement; the wholeness of knowing themselves as enough, just as they are in the moment. Even if that moment were to last forever. So this post I wrote had a few more thoughts around that, and some direction as to how to get there emotionally and energetically.

This morning while out on a short walk I realized it wasn’t as simple as I first thought. I became aware of a very important aspect of my journey to a place of deep inner peace and self acceptance. A critical one.

I’ve forgiven.

There is no getting around this. Love is on the other side of forgiveness, not the other way around. Love carries no judgement, so there is never anything to forgive from within its view.

Forgiveness is essential, then, both to love and self acceptance. Because deep down we know we can. For some this is very deep down. Even the possibility of it may feel out of reach. It may be a long way from where we are at right now. And that’s ok.

easter girls

But when we breathe deeply and get present, and when we see beauty in the world, we are reminded of love, and that we can indeed always choose it. We can choose to let go of anger, resentment and judgment. To return home to wholeness we must let go of what holds us apart from it.

We must forgive.

Other souls. Groups. Institutions. Corporate entities. Ideologies even.
We must often forgive Life- or our idea of God, The Universe, Source, or whatever name we give that which we believe to be dealing the cards. We must forgive ourselves.

Deep down we know we can.

A day of global self acceptance would be powerful indeed. Our self judgement is where all of our judgement about others begins. It is the foundation of our defenses. When we experience the true wholeness of utter self acceptance, there is nothing to protect. Nothing to fear or fight for. Peace on Earth is possible. Truly being enough for yourself changes everything.

You are.