Daily Archives: September 30, 2018

I Feel Numb Inside

What if you just don’t feel the Love you believe is there for you? 

My heart broke a little reading these texts from a old friend.

“Do I believe the Universe is a friendly place? Yes.
Do I believe that Source loves unconditionally? Yes
But why do I believe those things? Logically, it’s the better choice, knowing that beliefs affect reality.
Do I know those things are true? No clue.”

“I am not like Matt Kahn, who had lots of conversations and mentoring from ascended masters and angels. I am not like you or Kyle: spiritually gifted people that have amazing hearts than can tune in and actually feel the love of the Universe. So how does the common man go from believing to knowing?

Often taking mindful breaths during the day and being present as possible. (Hasn’t done much)  Meditation. (hasn’t done much) Reading spiritual books.  (hasn’t done much) Being really honest with Source with whatever I might be experiencing. (hasn’t done much) Just sitting and silence and doing nothing but observing. (hasn’t done much)
Listening to the sound of stillness in my head. (hasn’t done much)

accepting pain

Maybe I’m missing something or maybe I just haven’t done enough.

I do believe it’s good to serve, to give, to be kind….and I try to do those things at work on a daily basis. That being said, I don’t feel much inside. Perhaps I’m even close to dead on the inside…and perhaps I’m the exception.

The universe is there for me?

I totally believe that. But if I’m being totally honest, don’t know how I would know that.
And it’s not about pain, the uncomfortableness, the limitations (real or imagined) or circumstances in general.  Ok with those experiencing those things. (I really am) It’s walking without feeling the connection, the support, the love of the Universe along the way, along the journey.
If I can give, serve, show kindness without feeling the support, love of the Universe….do I need the Universe? Do I need anything?
It makes me wonder.

Any heart can heal. Yours is not a lost cause.

“When you say you are numb on the inside, yet want to feel the support and love of the Universe, which is a feeling thing…well I suppose you have to go to the root of when and why you numbed your heart. But of course you have to want to feel again. You have to want to feel the pain of that made you want to numb in the first place. It’s the only way to heal it.

You’ve said before when you look at me and see what is, at times, an emotional roller coaster, you’d rather be numb than ride that. I get it. You clearly decided to tune out, to shut down at some point, or at several points along the way, to different degrees. You are not alone in this. I suspect more than half of the hearts in the world are there with you.

So it makes sense that to feel the love of Source you have to open back up to feeling in the first place.

If you set the intention for a meditation to see who or what caused the pain, I trust you will have any clarity that may be lacking there. Then, its just some forgiveness work.

Walk, or sit, or lie down, with your eyes OPEN, and open up to those memories. Want to feel them again. Invite them in. Ask for help from beyond yourself. Stay with it. Lead with your awareness and not your mind as much as possible. Stay with your breath.

If nothing seems to be happening, a passionate roar of frustration may get things moving. Or two or three. Stay with it. Don’t go back to the old narrative. Be present. Breathe.

Let the feelings come. Let them be ok. Don’t judge them, or run away. Let them break you open again. Stay with your breath to stay present.

If fear rises up because the feelings are so strong it feels they will overwhelm you, surrender to the process. This can be hard, but my experience is that on the other side of utter despair there is an ocean of peace. If we can trust deeply enough, we allow lifetimes of fear and pain to leave our body, and Love fills the void.

Be authentic in the moment. Out loud. Express what is there. Out loud. Energy needs vibration to leave the body. When you’ve had enough of the burden of this pain, let it go.
If you really want a free and feeling heart, forgive who or what need to be forgiven. Out loud. Stay with your breath through this. It will keep you in your heart.

Forgive yourself. Out loud. Your perception may still have judgments. I know in the recent video we discussed the idea of having done nothing wrong was introduced, and you could feel the power of that. But that is a leap from where you are right now, so allow it to be ok to offer grace and forgiveness to your now open self. Out loud.

If you need help, ask for it. Out loud. Remember your breath.

Now, from that space of having opened up your heart to experiences and energies from your past, if you are indoors just get outside or to a window, and look up at the expanse of the sky. Or at the ocean if you go there to do all this.


Connect more deeply to your breath. Reach out with your feelings 😉. Breath into your heart.
By now I trust you will feel a great deal of Love. If not, be authentic. Out loud. Ask. Pray. Wait and listen. Keep listening with your heart. It knows the way home.

And it is home, to feel the Love in the stillness, in the pause between breaths. Yes, to live fearlessly with a wide open heart will mean moments of sadness. But it will be different. There will be, as Marie McNamara put it, a soft landing space for your pain. I know this to be true. You will feel held in your despair. Held by a knowing that there really is nothing to fear. That the depth of the Love that flows to and through you is enough.

I’m happy to do this all with you, and hold that space, either from here or by your side.”

Same goes for you.